I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
