Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
