i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
