If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
