just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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