I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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