you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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