I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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