I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
