spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Of course I have a pirate flag
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
