you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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