as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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