i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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