Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
