if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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