what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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