I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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