My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
