Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
