I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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