There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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