Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
