thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize