I want to make a zoo with you.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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