he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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