Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
