he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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