Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
