walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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