had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
