No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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