Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Couch. On fire.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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