i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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