he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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