Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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