Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize