My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
