My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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