Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
