I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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