In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
