What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
