Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
