I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They took my balls.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
