the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
