Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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