i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
