Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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