a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
