I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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