i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
