I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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