I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
