when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
