Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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