So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
