By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just high enough for therapy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
