so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
