Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
