Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize