nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
