first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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