We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
