Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize