and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
