she woke up with a sticky ear
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize