We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
3pm strippers are depressing
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
