Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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