I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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