I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
