Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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